Am I Running Away from My Problems, or Moving Toward a Better Me?

The past year has been tough. Yet, despite the challenges, I’ve felt an underlying sense of happiness. It’s a curious thing—feeling happy even when life throws curveballs your way. So, what’s behind this paradox? For me, it boils down to a simple realisation: my happiness comes from focusing on the choices I can control rather than the circumstances beyond my grasp.

You see, I’ve learned that I can’t control what others think of me, or the events unfolding in the world, or even something as simple as getting caught in the rain. These things are outside my sphere of influence. In the past, I struggled to accept this powerlessness. I’d obsess over why someone viewed me negatively, or curse my luck when I got soaked by an unexpected downpour.

Everything changed two years ago when I went through a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). That experience was transformative. Before CBT, I relied on alcohol or adrenaline-pumping activities like rock climbing to escape my ruminating thoughts. But through CBT, I learned to recognize my negative thought patterns and, more importantly, to reframe them. I discovered that I had the power to choose whether to entertain these thoughts or let them go.

You’d think that after learning this skill, life would become easier. But it didn’t turn out that way. Now that I’m no longer a slave to my thoughts and feelings, I find myself grappling with a new dilemma: what do I really want from life?

When I reflect on my past, I see a pattern of running away from problems. As a kid, I often ran away from conflicts with my parents. As a teenager, I escaped a turbulent home life by joining the army. And now, whenever I consider moving to a new location or pursuing my creative side, I can’t help but question my motives. Am I doing this because it genuinely feels right for me, or is it just another distraction from life’s difficulties?

It’s almost as if my newfound awareness of negative thought patterns has led me to overanalyse everything. This over-analysis sometimes leaves me feeling stuck, unsure of my next move.

But instead of getting trapped in this cycle, I’m choosing to reframe these feelings. Rather than seeing them as a sign of running away, I’m starting to view them as steps toward becoming the version of myself I want to be.

So, what’s the next step in this journey? How do I move forward with clarity and purpose?

I don’t have all the answers yet, but what I do know is that it starts with trusting myself. Trusting that my choices are aligned with who I am and who I’m becoming. Trusting that even if the path isn’t always clear, it’s still worth taking. And above all, trusting that moving toward a better me isn’t about escaping problems, but about facing them head-on with the strength and wisdom I’ve gained along the way.